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I've been okay I suppose. Haven't really been able to keep up with blogging so much. I've been working hard. Living hard. Cancer bites. It destroys more than just people, it destroys families. Hope. I see so many young and wonderful people stricken with then shadow of cancer over their lives. Very frightening. It's almost halloween and October is almos't done with. Welcome November, arghhh...I can't wait for the stuffing. Yummm. I've been keeping up with the gym so far. Attending at least 3 times a week. It helps because I'm a fattie. Love food. :D

My husband and I are approaching a year of marriage this upcoming January and our 3 year anniversary of daing and four years of knowing each other. Wow, time is flying by...It's crazy. Life is good so far..

Halloween is around the corner. I might stay home and watch movies. Drink warm pumpkin flavored something. Be warm under a blanket with my hubby...ahem. awesomeness..

...May we continue to move foward...

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Hello there. I am still alive. Just changed jobs recently. I am working at an oncology clinic here in texas. "Texas Oncolgy" and I love it. Totally different from the hospital setting. And the best thing, I'm working days now. Night schedule was really kicking my butt. I was so grouchy and exhausted all the tiem. I really needed this change. I've been here now for three weeks and I can honestly say I've learned so much. I was working in the cardiac area previously to this and well it's a totally different ball game in oncology. We see from 40-60 patients daily strictly with cancer or any type of hematology disorder. That doesn't include the patients that are already in chemo and in the radiation rooms. I'm with the doctor mainly right now, but I will soon be cross trained to the chemo room. Super excited. I've always been drawn to this area since my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I'm glad I am finally able to get in here. On the last of this month, it was the year anniversary of my mom's passing. So difficult, especially now that I am working here, the same place where I used to bring her to get treated. The same hallways we used to walk through...Extremely difficult, but the only thing that helps me get through is the knowledge that she is not suffering anymore; that her pain exists no more but only in memories. She is happy and that she is watching over me somehow. My husband is a blessing and he has gotten me through some of those hard months were I didn't even think it would be possible to get through. Thank God for him. Otherwise, things are well. My husband and I are incredibly happy. No babies planned yet until maybe in 2 years. Planning to hit San Antonio, Texas sometime at the end of this month. Excited. Sorry for leaving everyone hanging..If anyone reads this anyway.

Peace and love,
B.

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I'm alive. just been involved in a whirlpool of crap.

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Lyrics to "Everybody is free to wear sunscreen"
by Baz Luhrman


Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97,

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term
benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or
reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and
beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of
yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous
you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra
equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides
you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is
long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people
I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll
divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half
chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the
greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in
the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps
and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you
were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you
do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children
respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse,
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia;
dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and
recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me, I'm the sunscreen.

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I've been exploring the idea of continuing my education in my nursing career. I've been really wanting to obtain a specialty in nursing. Although I love working in the cardiac area, my soul has been calling me towards the area of oncology/hematology . Ever since my mom got sick and every since this disease took her, I've been drawn towards this area. My mother was diagnosed with a myelodysplastic syndrome about 3 years before she passed. A sort of leukemia that took her slowly and painfully. I'm really looking foward to focusing in this area, but the only thing that holds me back in the painful idea of exposing myself to multiple drugs of chemotherapeutic nature and damaging my children-bearing capabilities. Although I can explore the idea of at least just working in another aspects of this area, not actually administrating the drugs myself. In a bigger picture, I've realized the capacity of my learning abilities. I realized I've never wanted to stop learning. Returning to school this semester has made my life so much stressful but yet so much more rewarding than only working. I simply love the stress of school. I've also realized that educating the public is another mission that I need to add on my list of things to do. A big part of nursing is education. Education of others to take care of their health. Here in the lower Tip of Texas there is a big decline in health in women. Which is has been clearly linked to the increase number of young pregnancies anywhere between the ages of 14 and 18. A big problem here in our area. That is another aspect I'd like to explore. So many things.. So much to learn... Gives me an incentive to do more.

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Quick blog:

Today I started jogging again and it felt amazing. I don't think I've felt so good in days. I ran three miles in about 30 minutes. I guess not so bad for my first day back. I eventually wanna get back to running my 5 miles that I was running before the wedding. I feel so good, happy energetic and ready to keep going. Made some chicken/vegetable soup for the hubby with some quesadillas. Did I tell you how much I love endorphins? ha!

k, gotta get ready for that night shift. Working 7p-7a today. Then hitting the books tommorow.

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I'm frustrated. I'm insomnic again. I fell asleep and its 245 a.m. and I'm here awake. So I lay there awake, looking at the ceiling, in desperate attempts to fall asleep. After many attempts with obvious failure, I get my sorry butt out of bed and into the living room. The laptop for now is my only companion. I've always hated being awake alone at nights especially when everyone else is asleep. It scares me. I can hear every clock in the room ticking, my husband snoring in the bedroom, the faucet dripping, etc. Indeed irritating. So I'm here.

Yesterday was decent day for me. My husband left to work, and I put myself into the mood of cleaning. I had to do laundry anyway, so I figured that I'd kill 2 birds with one stone. I actually kicked ass. I finished in about 2 hrs everything. I was pretty proud of myself there. Took a nap, and finally went to do what I had put off for the whole week....Taxes! Arghhh. Needless to say, what I expected I got. All I am about to say is that I am glad taxes are only once a year. pshhhh. Afterwards, I went for a most deserved hair pampering. I had been wanting and needing to get my hair colored a darker shade from what I have now and I finally succeeded in doing it. and I love it! By this time the hubby was out of work and I opted to leave the kitchen alone for tonite and share some dinner out with him. An overall good day despite taxes. I definetly need to catch up on my reading. So I shall do this today.