Surviving

It's been months! Years! As I re-read my last few posts, I could not help but feel sad at how sad I felt then. The truth is, I am better, but still battling with sadness that comes and goes; with anxiety that seems to follow me around like a mosquito chasing for blood. I guess I am broken, but aren't we all? These past holidays were difficult; there is a lot of buried pain in my family dynamics that re-arose these past holidays. I have made goals to make more boundaries to shield me from the pain that my some of my family causes me. I say some because not all my family is that way; my brother is one of them that has been so supportive in my journey to make more boundaries; we have gotten very close lately and I know my mother would be proud of us if she were here to say that. I am responsible for my feelings and for protecting myself; even if it means spending less time with my family. I am working on not letting these "boundary goals" leaving me lonely and isolated. I am working on it; its true, there are days that are harder than orders. Days that I wake up crying and days that I can't sleep because I am anxiously over analyzing unnecessarily. It is what it is. This is who I am. I have continued to exercise, which is by far the only thing that helps keep my anxiety at bay. I worked out 183 days out of the year 2015 and I am hungry for more! I refuse to take any sort of medication that will alter my conscious. I don't want it and I am fighting it will all I got. Things in the household have been much better. My husband and I just had our 7th wedding anniversary. Boy, has it been an adventure. Marriage is difficult. Extremely; but so worth it if two people are willing to make it work. My health has been good. My last 2 check ups went okay and I just had my 3rd check up today. I'll need 2 more negative check ups (including todays) so I can go back to going so frequently to the doctor. I am worried about the results, but when I am not worried? Completely normal I suppose; but worrying won't change the results so I must let it go! Anywho...I happened to stop by the blog because I clicked on a link of some other blogger (food blogger of course!) and I was curious at when my last post was. Well, here I am! Still alive, and still surviving. Happy 2016!