Gordita attack!

The holiday weekend is here! I am off monday and tuesday of this coming week (24th and 25th)...on the other hand...my hub is granted a whole 2 weeks off! -.- LUCKY, and well chosen career choice Mr. Mendoza! ha...Regardless, planning to make the best of these few days off; enjoy my family and friends! My child hood friend is coming in from Washington D.C for a few days and I cannot wait! We are hosting a friend/xmas party get-to-gether tommorow for some friends....looking foward to the cooking, cleaning, stressing that will come from that..NOT...well, maybe the cooking part, which is by ar my favorite! Still unsure of what we are making, but in mind I have a seven layer dip that I have been craving! Robert has been hoping or some burgers + hot dogs on the grill...We will decide tommorow morning as we shop for the food...so much for early planning! I've never actually been much of an ahead planner.. I mean... I make lists, but I definetly procrastinate as much as I can. Working under pressure kills me, but makes it happen. I am currently even procrastinating my xmas gift wrapping; I've done some, but nearly not even half. Sigh, I will have to cram it in tommorow with my cleaning and cooking....

On another note, I really wanted to eat my heart out tonite. You see, Friday's are my cheat days. I'd say that I eat healthy about 80 percent of the time...the other 20 percent, I break under pressure and fulfill my fat girl needs... Eat as I please, without worries. You see, I've always battled with weight. At my heaviest, I was at an unhealthy 200 lbs for my 5'2" stature. Today, I am about 140, still on the heavy side, but with some muscle to back me up... haha...No really, I get those legs from my mother.... But knowing of the feasts that lay ahead has stopped me....Rob and I opted to hit Subway. Had myself a veggie sandwich with avocado and swiss cheese....it did the trick, and I am happy camper...Definetly need to hit the sheets early tonite, so I can start my tasks for tommorow. Hoping the holiday spirits keep me on a high and not on a low ....definetly missing my mother...Visited my father, who I am not as close as I have wanted to be. You see, his alcoholism drove my mother and father apart, and his father skills, were never the best. Today, I just feel bad for his loneliness...My parents were both older parents and at his tender age of 73, I am NO ONE to judge or hold grudges..I must accept the reality of things and move foward with the time I have left with him. It is difficult at times to build that bond over such a short period of time..But, like my husband says...some effort is better than NO effort.

Dig for the sunshine from within...and its warmthness will cover your shoulders with hope!

Birthday Weekend

Turned the big 2-5 this past sunday, the 12th. Oh, stop the eye rolling. For some, this may be the "oh please shut up girrrrl, you've lived nothing" and I can kindly and proudly say "Oh girrrrl, you know nothing!!!." I may indeed be only 25, but damn it took effort to get here. Despite the adversity, I am here and floating. I haven't drowned even when at times it still feels like I AM. Life is hard, but we must ALL deal with it and find ways to cope. Seems like such a midpoint; half of 50 anyway. It was a good weekend, the people that mattered the most were there. Felt so loved and cared for and that in the end is the most important. The people that want to be part of your life are there; the ones that don't simply aren't. My father even called! He hasn't remembered my birthday in years and it honestly took me by surprise! I almost fell sideways from the shock! It was sweet. We had dinner tonite because he insisted on taking me and paying for it! I couldn't say no. Despite our distance and our falling apart, I still love him. He is important to me and I will miss him when he departs. He is 73 already... Most importantly: So grateful for a wonderful weekend with family and friends.... their friendship and unconditional love is my strength... ....missing my mamacita especially this time of the year. But her love is everywhere;the memories keep her alive.. The love just continues to flow immensely in all directions and I am free of all pain...and so is she...