the ray of sunshine that came out of nowhere.

So I decided to snap myself out of the crappy mood I was in this afternoon. I have no idea why if I let myself do absolutely nothing with my time, i will do nothing. Ughh, so much for Mrs. Sunshine. The truth is, I may be sunshine to the world, but within me is where my demons hide. Not literally of course, because the last time I referred to demons, gods, and angels was in a fairy tale. But you know, the bad memories and the pain that are a constant reminder to me of the things I have lived and survived, without being a too much of a fuck-up. Regardless and despite, what my heart wants to feel, I must overcome the bad thoughts that sometimes overwhelm me. I feel that if I don't, I'll drown myself in sorrow. And who likes little Mrs. Grouchy/depressive girl who has a good life, and yet is still annoyingly depressing? No one... So I got up, got dressed and visited my brother. We worked out, and then headed to dinner. It turned out to be a fantastic evening. Catch up was great, since I do not get to see my brother so often because of our compromised schedules. He gave me some tips here and there on my workouts. In my eyes, my brother is an exercise guru! Ha, I guess the guruness runs in the family. He has been running, lifting, and exercising period since he was a teenager, since I can remember. Now 37, he is perhaps in the best shape of his life. Oh how I despice his extra good genes. My brother can mold his body like it is nobody's bussiness in no time. I on the other hand, have to work crazy hard for it. The workout today turned out to be quite fun! The important thing to remember is that one push from within can get you out of the rain and into the sulight...I did it for myself today regardless of how much I did not want to...Find the strength or the summer within!

P.S. don't mind the mardigrass necklace on my bro; we were in Vegas where everything is acceptable! :p