Weeks of high, a day of low!

I've been in such a sour mood today. I woke up feeling okay and then things got cloudy; as if the sun was covered by a dark cloud. I've had such good weeks of sunshine, eternal happiness and this dark day hit me like a ton of bricks. Anxiety is my major enemy. Many ask me..anxiety over what? Your life is pretty much perfect. The truth is the past haunts me; the memories of abuse stab me like little needles on a pin cushion. Even when most days are good, there are days that those holes pain me and hurt me... I've struggled through most of my life with anxiety issues, and I've refused to be on meds; too scared of the meds and side effects. So far, exercise + distraction has kept me in check, but there are times when I am by myself (in my own mind) that I feel as if I am drowning. I miss my mother terribly, my father is oh well never really been there for me and it is indeed difficult to speak with my brother about it. My husband is so supporting; yet the motherly figure that is not there is definetly a big piece of the puzzle that is missing. No one can ever replace your mother. Especially my mother. My wonderful sweet mother... oh how sweet she was; like the sun shining through my window every morning... I must continue to stay positive. Another semester is approaching and I nervous but excited to keep my mind busy again. I shall continue on this journey to fitness that shall never end because as my brother says..Fitness is not a goal, it is a lifetime commitment... May the sun continue to shine for everyone...Have a birthday dinner I must get ready for and attend..and hopefully keep my mind steering the right way!