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Quick blog:

Today I started jogging again and it felt amazing. I don't think I've felt so good in days. I ran three miles in about 30 minutes. I guess not so bad for my first day back. I eventually wanna get back to running my 5 miles that I was running before the wedding. I feel so good, happy energetic and ready to keep going. Made some chicken/vegetable soup for the hubby with some quesadillas. Did I tell you how much I love endorphins? ha!

k, gotta get ready for that night shift. Working 7p-7a today. Then hitting the books tommorow.

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I'm frustrated. I'm insomnic again. I fell asleep and its 245 a.m. and I'm here awake. So I lay there awake, looking at the ceiling, in desperate attempts to fall asleep. After many attempts with obvious failure, I get my sorry butt out of bed and into the living room. The laptop for now is my only companion. I've always hated being awake alone at nights especially when everyone else is asleep. It scares me. I can hear every clock in the room ticking, my husband snoring in the bedroom, the faucet dripping, etc. Indeed irritating. So I'm here.

Yesterday was decent day for me. My husband left to work, and I put myself into the mood of cleaning. I had to do laundry anyway, so I figured that I'd kill 2 birds with one stone. I actually kicked ass. I finished in about 2 hrs everything. I was pretty proud of myself there. Took a nap, and finally went to do what I had put off for the whole week....Taxes! Arghhh. Needless to say, what I expected I got. All I am about to say is that I am glad taxes are only once a year. pshhhh. Afterwards, I went for a most deserved hair pampering. I had been wanting and needing to get my hair colored a darker shade from what I have now and I finally succeeded in doing it. and I love it! By this time the hubby was out of work and I opted to leave the kitchen alone for tonite and share some dinner out with him. An overall good day despite taxes. I definetly need to catch up on my reading. So I shall do this today.

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I'm going to write about this because I think I am ready to bring it out into the open and maybe writing about it well help me deal with it at a better extent. As a young kid, I was one of many children who suffered from sexual abuse. It's been a long road to recovery and even now I think I'm not fully there yet. Most of my insecurities, my fears come from here. When I tend to emotionally fall apart most of my tears, my pain radiates back to this. That scar never really seems to heal. It's like one of those scars that are always tender to pressure or to stimulation. I've gone to counseling and my husband has been great in helping me, but I still yet to feel completely free from this. It's like that extra little weight you can never get off your waist. Unfortunately it was a family member and I eventually have to hear from him. That doesn't help. At times, I fall into great sadness, and it's hard to cope with it especially when my life still has to move foward. I still have to work, smile, and be happy. I tend to lash at my husband and I feel terrible afterwards. When we argue, I attach "guilt" to almost everything. It's almost impossible for me not to. I've joined this online blogging thing for victims of sexual abuse but I avoid going on there... (weird...mmm)... I really saddens me to read about the millions of ppl that have been abused by people who didn't think before acting...I'm trying to focus my energy into several things, which I've found useful:

1) cooking

2) school

3)writing

4)biking

Writing has helped me express things I've never thought I could ever talk about. I'm hoping I continue to see the light at the end of that tunnel.

B.

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As I quickly head to work, I realize how dangerous driving is. Being trapped in a small capsulike "box" moving at high speeds trying not to get into uncoming traffic and avoid being hit by others.

I've only had one major accident in my life and I do not wish for more. To make the story short, I ended up flipped over in a canal. Almost drowned, if not for the other driver in the other car who saved me. I really did think I was dying. The weirdest feeling. A review of my life flashed before my eyes and I couldn't help but become delirious and somewhat numb to the whole situation. I guess it was my brain's way of preventing me from completely shutting down in panic. My mind was cloudy but I could still see what I was doing. Out of miracle the other driver broke one of the windows and pulled me out. If not I would have been trapped and drowned by the continous flow of incoming water. For weeks after the accident, I couldn't get behind the wheel. I cried at the mere idea of driving. I anxiously lost weight without my control. It was so weird. I can't remember most of those memories post the accident. It's as if I lived my life without knowing it. With lots of praying and keeping busy, I eventually recuperated and life had more meaning. Things went back to routine an I eventually recuperated from the trauma. I've only got a couple of scars on both of my knees to prove my survival, but otherwise, I think an angel was there that night to save me.

chocolate flan

I'm beginning to enjoy the wifely duties which is to cook. I love experimenting new things and most of all watching my husband and friends eat it!

yummmm...

Want the recipe?

message me a comment.

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B.sunshine

Loveeee

It's been like a million years. I've fallen into the guilty category of abandoning my blogging. I will try to be more loyal. Well in the months that proceeded by absence I married my best friend, my sunshine and the love of my life. I was so busy during this time that I found it almost impossible to be anywhere near a computer except to check my email and that was it. My wedding went beautifully as I imagined it. I knew my mother was watching me from above and that kept me collected thru the entire ceremony. Married life is great. Despite what others say. I believe in one thing...working on it one day at a time, and most importantly never stop trying. It seems like I never stop falling in love with my husband. Everyday is an adventure and a blessing. He's been my strong shoulder. Where I continue to lean on for support. What I've learned in the past months was that "Love is not two people looking at each other, its two mature adults looking in the same direction"

I expect changes, difficult times, but indeed happy times with the person I love and desire to be with the most.

....Promise to be more faithful to blogger

<3

B