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I'm going to write about this because I think I am ready to bring it out into the open and maybe writing about it well help me deal with it at a better extent. As a young kid, I was one of many children who suffered from sexual abuse. It's been a long road to recovery and even now I think I'm not fully there yet. Most of my insecurities, my fears come from here. When I tend to emotionally fall apart most of my tears, my pain radiates back to this. That scar never really seems to heal. It's like one of those scars that are always tender to pressure or to stimulation. I've gone to counseling and my husband has been great in helping me, but I still yet to feel completely free from this. It's like that extra little weight you can never get off your waist. Unfortunately it was a family member and I eventually have to hear from him. That doesn't help. At times, I fall into great sadness, and it's hard to cope with it especially when my life still has to move foward. I still have to work, smile, and be happy. I tend to lash at my husband and I feel terrible afterwards. When we argue, I attach "guilt" to almost everything. It's almost impossible for me not to. I've joined this online blogging thing for victims of sexual abuse but I avoid going on there... (weird...mmm)... I really saddens me to read about the millions of ppl that have been abused by people who didn't think before acting...I'm trying to focus my energy into several things, which I've found useful:

1) cooking

2) school

3)writing

4)biking

Writing has helped me express things I've never thought I could ever talk about. I'm hoping I continue to see the light at the end of that tunnel.

B.