Peaceful End

This is my second night at work this weekend. I lost sleep and its so frustrating. I went to bed at about 830 am this morning and I woke up around 130 pm. I couldn't fall asleep anymore. It totally bites. Now I'm here yawning like an insomniac. My mom seems weaker and sicker today. It's very hard to see her like that. It pains me. And then it makes me wonder if Hospice was indeed the best choice for her. She is suffering so much, and I don't want to see her go through that anymore. So maybe hospice was the best for her. I can see the suffering in her eyes. Hospice keeps her comfortable with pain medication, but her soul looks tired. At this point, this isn't about me anymore. It's about her. If death will stop her suffering, well so be it. Being a nurse, has made me realize that there is far more beyond death. Far more than just pain from the void the person leaves behind, but the relief of suffering from that individual. The last thing I want to remember is my mother's face in anguish/misery. Ive whispered it in her ear that if she feels she needs to go, for her not to worry about me. Sometimes ppl won't let go when they feel that people around them can't let go. I've seen that many times at the hospital where i work. I can't be selfish and just ignore my mother's pain. I know the ending to this story will not be happy, but I'm at least hoping for a peaceful one. Toodles...